Linda Cohn, you’d best watch your back; there’s a new sheriff in town. Her name is Dana Ward and she’s the mildly attractive host of NFL Quick Hitters, a show on YouTube brought to you by the fine people at GamblersTelevision.com.

Today, we spotlight Ward’s take on the 2008 Chicago Bears. Besides being very roboerotic, Ward shows she’s environmentally conscious by recycling used material. You mean, the Bears don’t have a proven quarterback? What! Brian Yurlicker is unhappy with his contract? Girl, you is too much!

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The end of August not only signals the end of Summer, but also puts to rest any ludicrous fantasies that guys like Ryan Poles and Marcus Stone have of playing in the NFL. Ah, yes. Roster cuts. The Bears have trimmed their roster tree to 53 limbs, but not all the right pieces were chainsawed. You like the metaphor, eh?

The Good: Saying goodbye to second and third-round draft picks a year into their career is never easy. But, in this case, it was necessary. Kudos to Jerry Angelo for biting the bullet, acknowleging his inability to draft early rounds well, and doing away with oft-injured defensive end Dan Bazuin and linebacker Michael Okwo.

The Bad: They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If so, that makes safety Leonard Peters a huge admirer of Troy Polamalu. Who can say if he’d ever copy his way of playing football talentedly, but he had the hair and Islander-like intensity down to a T. (more…)

First, allow me to defend myself. This is an Adam Archuleta-related post. And the picture accompanying said post is of someone related to Archuleta. (It’s his wife, playmate Jennifer Walcott). Hence, this picture is entirely appropriate given the explanation. See kids, if you think things through, you can lie to yourself and never come to realize how big of an asshole you really are.

It really goes to show that all you need are a few one successful seasons in any professional sport under your belt, and you can land a Jennifer Walcott. Archuleta, who spent the majority of his career in St. Louis and has since undergone brief stints in Washington and Chicago, knows this all too well.

So, to be honest, he probably doesn’t give a flying shit that he has just been cut by the Oakland Raiders. (more…)

While tearing it up at Oregon State, receiver Mike Hass was given the dubious honor of having a rap song made for him. Using the background track of, then popular rapper, Mike Jones’ song, “Back Then”, local disc jockeys hired professional rappers to perform vocals parodying the chorus and changed the verses to fit the Hassy theme. The rest was history.

Since the Bears released Hass today, I felt there could be no better tribute to the under utilized receiver then to take it upon myself and reintroduce the song, and in doing so, potentially ruin any possibility that you’d ever come back to this site again.

Click here for the Mike Hass rap (more…)

Cornerback Trey Brown and tight end Marcus Stone are the last two players to be cut from the Chicago Bears. With that, the 53-man roster is intact, ready to be reviewed, scutinized, whatever.

The final cuts also signal a new beginning of sorts for players who have secured a spot with the team. Most notably, quarterback Caleb Hanie. The undrafted free agent from Colorado State played well in preseason action and will be the third-string quarterback behind Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman.

Running back Garrett Wolfe has also made the team. He too, looked impressive during the preseason, and will be one of four Bears running backs. Kevin Jones, Adrian Peterson, and rookie Matt Forte are the other three.

The good news as far as this year’s draft is concerned is all but three ‘08 draftees have made the squad. Defensive end Ervin Baldwin, linebacker Joey Larocque, and wide receiver Marcus Monk are the three exceptions. Guard Chester Adams is likely headed for some type of injury settlement whatchamajig, and apparently isn’t on the same boat as the others. You tell me. (more…)

Despite leading the league in touchdown catches this preseason (3), wide receiver Brandon Rideau will not be a member of the Bears’ 53-man roster. If you remember correctly, I specifically lobbied for Rideau — given his tall 6′3 frame and apparent knack for the big play — to make the team over incumbent Mark Bradley. Sadly, it is not to be.

Defensive ends Ervin Baldwin and Joe Clermond, guard Anthony Oakley, tight end Fontel Mines, and linebacker Joey Larocque will also be aiming to make the practice squad or another team in ‘08.

Larocque’s release means Michael Okwo lost his job to either Nick Roach or Darrell McClover. Both linebackers are now presumably safe.

Aside from March 1, the day when free agents are first able to sign with other teams, the end of August roster cuts have to make for the busiest transaction period. This becomes evident as we learn of more and more roster casualties.

Per Brad Biggs of the Sun-Times, guards Chester Adams, Tyler Reed, and Cody Balogh, along with tackle Ryan Poles, defensive end Nick Osborn, long snapper Thomas Gafford, and punter Zac Atterberry, will be released.

Adams was a seventh-round pick by Chicago in this year’s draft. The Georgia product sustained a left knee injury in the second quarter of the Bears’ 16-10 preseason victory over the Cleveland Browns. Placed on injured reserve, Adams and the Bears are expected to come to terms on some type of injury settlement.

There are quite a few people out there who have questioned the early-round drafting ability of Bears general manager Jerry Angelo. And for good reason. Notable misses under his regime include running back Cedric Benson (1st round in ‘05), defensive end Michael Haynes (1st round in ‘03), and cornerback Roosevelt Williams (3rd round in ‘02).

Today, the team added fuel to the anti-Angelo fire, took an uneasy swallow of their pride, and released defensive end Dan Bazuin and linebacker Michael Okwo, the second and third-round picks from the 2007 draft.

Bazuin was touted as being a quick, agile, pass-rushing specialist who would compliment the team’s speedy and aggressive unit well. In his one year with the team, the only thing he was quick to do was land on the injured list. Okwo’s brief career in Chicago echoed much of Bazuin’s, made apparent by him likely losing his roster spot to a seventh-round pick in Joey LaRocque.

Other confirmed cuts thus far: wide receiver Mike Hass, safety Leonard Peters, running back P.J. Pope and fullback Lousaka Polite. The Bears, and every NFL team for that matter, have until 5 p.m. today to cut down to the 53-man roster limit.

The Blog Down Breakdown is a new feature of Blog Down, Chicago Bears intended to deliver insight, opinion, and general notes of every Bears game.

Sure, it’s only the preseason, but you have a feeling if the play of the Bears defense doesn’t improve within the next ten days, the team could be looking at one long night in Indianapolis, and quite possibly, staring Tim Tebow in the face come next April.

Let’s not completely panic and sound the alarm, but after all, it is the defense that’s supposed to keep them in most games. God forbid they have to actually rely on quarterback Kyle Orton to make plays.

With the first-team defense in for the first quarter of Thursday night’s 16-10 win over the Cleveland Browns, Cleveland quarterback Brady Quinn and company were able to move up and down the field at will. Long drives of 66 and 73 yards yielded 10 points, and now the first-team defense has allowed scores on seven of it’s last nine possessions. (more…)

Well, okay. No, not really. As a matter of fact, in Tuesday’s Sun-Times, recently resigned columnist Jay Mariotti writes of a note Bears general manager Jerry Angelo left for him divulging quite the opposite.

Mariotti says the note emphasizes Angelo is not one of his biggest fans, but isn’t clear if the note actually said that. It most likely did, though. In Chicago, you can buy pre-addressed notes to Jay Mariotti that read “I’m not one of your biggest fans. From (blank)” at just about any cornerstore or 7-eleven.

The unfriendly gesture by Angelo leaves me to wonder why everybody hates Mariotti. So what if he looks like the 17th president of a shitty country you’ve never heard of. The man put in some odd amount of years at a well-established newspaper playing the role of the adorable Mr. GrumpyPants. Doesn’t that count for something?

Angelo would do well to make up with Mariotti, anyhow. When his tenure as GM is over, “Jay & Jerry” is going to make one hell of a buddy sitcom.

Jay exits stage left.

Continuing our list of…well…read the title, buddy.

# 2. Matt Forte

For a team that insists it gets “off the bus running,” the Bears could potentially find themselves this year struggling to get off the bus without tripping over their $1,800 Berluti’s.

To start, the team removes itself from the Sun Chips-lovin’ cancer himself, Cedric Benson. Then, they draft Chris Williams, a pass-blocking specialist, to start at left tackle when there are serious concerns over his toughness and run-blocking prowess. Lastly, the offensive line, while not entirely in shambles, remains a shadow of the one that paved the way to Super Bowl XLI.

If the running game is the key to the Bears’ success in ‘08, consider rookie Matt Forte the keymaster. The Tulane product is touted as having the speed of Thomas Jones and the power of Cedric Benson. (Yes, believe it or not, Ced did have some power. How do you think he withstood all that cop’s pepper spray?)

Forte will need to step up his game quicker than most rookies are asked to, simply because the Bears will rely on him to move the chains. If he turns out to be a total bust, the Bears offense will sputter, along with any hopes of making the playoffs.* (more…)

Poor Marty Booker. The initial feeling surrounding his reunion with the Bears was a positive one. But now that the dust has settled, it’s left Booker feeling lost and confused. Perhaps, even wishing that he had just stayed in Miami. Shudder.

Per the Chicago Sun-Times, Booker let his frustration with being treated like the uglier Olsen twin and ignored entirely - we always thought Ashley was cuter – be known:  ”I haven’t gotten many plays in any of the games,” Booker said. ”I’m trying to figure out what is going on. I’ve asked them and ‘they have a plan.’ I don’t know what it is. It’s secretive around here.”

Oh, they have a plan alright. They always have a plan.

Allow me to turn your attention to page 153…

 And you thought they didn’t have a plan. pshhhhh!