Painfully Revisiting The Lisa Lampanelli And Still Unidentified Chicago Bear Sex Romp
In December of 2007, comedian Lisa Lampanelli told unsullied listeners of Howard Stern’s Sirius radio show that she had sex with a player from the Chicago Bears.
Lampanelli went into morbid detail about the encounter and even more-than-hinted at who the player was, but to this day his identity has never been substantiated. And while I deserve hell for making us all relive this horrid event, I feel compelled to close the book on this train wreck of a chapter.
The lucky vicenarian was described by Lampanelli herself as: a black, southern, tattooed, maybe-rookie who was not a starter nor a member of the practice squad, and at some point in the 2007 season had succumbed to an ankle injury. Don’t you love these games!
On her subsequent HBO special, Lampanelli revealed he wore number 17, leaving some to believe the culprit was wide receiver Airese Currie. However, Currie was cut by the team prior to the 2007 season.
The supposed rendeveaux took place while the Bears were in Philly for a Week 7 matchup in October of 2007.
Some players who were linked to the incident–Josh Gattis, Trumaine McBride, and Kevin Payne–fit the description to a degree, but none enough to proclaim this whodunit solved.
I’ll leave it to you, gumshoes.
[...] 7:54 – Trumaine McBride has very skinny arms and may or may not have sexed Lisa Lampanelli. [...]