A franchise quarterback precipitously becomes available in an otherwise uneventful team offseason so, naturally, you make a trade for said quarterback and in the process, fix a 25-year old problem. Then, not one, not two, but three wide receivers with Pro Bowl talent unfathomably follow suit. What do you do?

Imagine for a moment, if in the same NBA offseason, Dirk Nowitzki were to be traded; Then, Amar’e Stoudemire was cut, and Rip Hamilton and Baron Davis both requested to be traded themselves. Okay, it’s apparent that I don’t know shit about basketball, but my point is that this is [cue voice of Johnny Carson] some wacky, wild stuff.

The numbers between the three receivers in 2008 are staggering: 228 catches, 2,757 yards and 21 touchdowns; All seemingly up for grabs. That’s the good news. The bad news are the other statistics. For Marshall, it’s one stalking charge and temporary protective order against him, one suspended driver’s license, 28 points of driving charges, and at least six 911 calls taken from Marshall’s Colorado home. Oh, yeah, and don’t forget the recent and disturbing ESPN Outside The Lines report.

For Plaxico, it has been as much to do with what he hasn’t done as what he infamously did do. (In case you forgot, he SHOT HIMSELF IN THE FUCKING LEG) Burress was fined $200,000 in 2008 for all types of acts of refusal:

“He refused to practice in the June minicamp, protesting the fact that negotiations on the new contract were stalled. He arrived late for numerous team meetings and was suspended for the game against the Seahawks for blowing off work (and ignoring phone calls from the team wondering about his whereabouts) on Sept. 22 — he offered the lame excuse that he had to drive his toddler son to school — and three weeks later he was benched for most of the first half against the Steelers for failing to show up at a mandatory injury treatment session.”

Not to mention, he SHOT HIMSELF IN THE FUCKING LEG.

Boldin appears to be the only one without any clear intention of encumbering his career, but controversy has not eluded him. In the NFC Championship game earlier this year, Boldin vented his frustration with going unused as the game came to a close by yelling at offensive coordinator Todd Haley on the sideline. Afterward, while the rest of his teammates celebrated earning their right to play for the Super Bowl championship, Boldin hurriedly walked to the locker room.

Issues aside, never before have their potentially been as many fantastic options at one position for a team so desperately in need of them. Anquan, Plax, and B-Marsh; In that order, that’s who I want.

In an offseason like this, it would be hard to believe if the Bears don’t walk away with at least one.