Why Your Team Sucks: Dallas Cowboys
“Why Your Team Sucks” is a new feature that will merely be an excuse to talk shit about the rest of the conference. Yeah, this will make us a lot of friends.
Why They Suck: In 1979, NFL Films Vice President and Editor-in-Chief, Bob Ryan, thought he was crafting a cleverly thought out title for a 1978 Cowboys highlight film. In reality, Ryan was laying the groundwork for every future non-Cowboys fan’s repulsory opinion of “America’s Team.”
The Cowboys are the NFL’s version of the New York Yankees; Jerry Jones the owner-equivalent to George/Hank Steinbrenner. In the process of building a morally indifferent franchise where the modus operandi is championships forgive sin, the Cowboys have tolerated their fair share of shifty individuals at Valley Ranch.
Great Moments In History… Of Sucking: On January 31, 1993, Leon Lett acted a fool when he prematurely extended his arm out in celebration at the tail end of a rumbling, stumbling fumble return during Super Bowl XXVII. Buffalo’s Don Bebe came out of nowhere–with plenty of time to do so–stripped the ball from Lett at the goal line and forever made it impossible for Lett to attend comedy clubs.
Oh, and the encore was much more fucking stupid.
More Reasons They Suck: The increasingly annoying Emmitt Smith is quite possibly more responsible for reconstruction of the American lexicon than good ‘ol Dubya Bush. I sincerely hope you’ll enjoy “carousing” the proof.
I could dedicate five posts to my hatred of this franchise.