Why Your Team Sucks” is a new feature that will merely be an excuse to talk shit about the rest of the conference. Yeah, this will make us a lot of friends.

Why They Suck: Ummm (/looks at picture) how many other franchises have their backup QB deepthroating a champagne bottle with his bros? Not enough you say? Well, not counting this past season, dating back to 1947 this franchise has one playoff win. How did this team have ANYONE rooting for them this year?!?!?!

The Cardinals are like a mix of baseball’s Anaheim Angels (I don’t care what the HELL they are called now) and the NBA’s Sacramento Kings, no one wants them or knows what to call them. They’ve relocated twice (Chicago to St. Louis to Phoenix) and they’ve done that insufferable ‘name’ change that the Angels did. They are no longer the Phoenix Cardinals, but now the Arizona Cardinals and in two years they’ll be the Cardinals of the Greater Southwestern United States. ENOUGH

Great Moments In History… Of Sucking: How about 60 years of total football ineptitude?? These guys were the doormat for the entire NFL for the better part of an entire century. Until 2008 this is where NFL players went to die. Emmitt Smith anyone????? (Now look what he’s doing to the English Language). There was also the EPIC meltdown of 2006 against our own Monsters of the Midway. Oh and Matt Leinart.

More Reasons They Suck: They play in Glendale Phoenix, Arizona. Quite possibly the most apathetic fanbase outside of Miami. Also the Cardinals sport, far and away the most geriatric fanbase in the NFL with most of their ‘fans’ over the age of 70. And, the mascot is a christing CARDINAL.

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