Why Your Team Sucks: Seattle Seahawks
Why Your Team Sucks” is a new feature that will merely be an excuse to talk shit about the rest of the conference. Yeah, this will make us a lot of friends.
Why They Suck: This franchise was started in 1976. Up until their ‘resurgence’ in the pitiful NFC West, they had, count ‘em people, three playoff victories until 2005. Gross. Arguably, their most recognizable player played less than half of the season in 2008, and is injured more often than Mike Brown.
Great Moments In History… Of Sucking: Well, there’s this. It’s funny because of what Hasselbeck says, but also because it completely blows up in his face. I also hate this clip because it’s the Packers who are the beneficiary of Hasselbeck’s asshatery. Any other team and I find this hilarious. Also, the first nine years of this franchise’s existence might as well be wiped from the history books.
More Reasons Why They Suck: They play in Seattle, the most depressing city in the country. The sun never shines which is why the Seahawks will never win a Super Bowl, causing more suicides than already occur there. They ruined Shaun Alexander which destroyed my fantasy team a few years back. This team actually liked having Brian Bosworth on their team. Oh yeah, Qwest Field looks like a gaping vag.
We started in 1976, not 1972. If you’re gonna insult us, at least do so accurately. Seriously, FGI… or FPFRI.
The Boz was a waste, but back in ’87 he was instrumental in ruining your “Walter Payton’s Last Home Game” party. http://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/198712200chi.htm
You really wanna whip em out and see which is longer? Since Re-alignment in 2002, Seattle has been to one SB, made five playoff appearances, won four division titles and four playoff games. Da Bears? One SB appearance, two division titles, and two playoff wins. Seattle’s record since 2002? 62-50. Chicago’s? 56-56.
Yes, you beat us in OT in the 2006 Divisional playoffs…. Well done. But your all-time record against Seattle? 3-7.
Pasco, WA’s own Brian Urlacher is right about one thing: your new QB is a HUGE pussy.
See ya in week 3, boys.
Well well… Alice in Chains and Coffee… Can you smell it?..
Checking facts before calling people out is fun, but it’s better to exaggerate. Since Seattle is known for only two things worth anybody’s time (see above), I dont see a reason why a football team would have to be successful to represent such a tiny bit of world-relevance.
Asking the fact man about facts: How many Super Bowls has Seattle won? Ever?
http://www.super-bowl-history.us/superbowl-winners-list.html
I made an appearance at one Super Bowl myself. I wasn’t paid for it, but I was there too! Just like the Seattle Seahawks, I never have won, and never will win a Super Bowl. I can make appearances though. That counts, right?
Yes, yes… trot out XX. The Bears’ one moment of glory in the last, what.. 45 years? We all genuflect before the great 1985 team. No one is saying they weren’t one of the best teams of all time. But that was… wait for it… 23 years ago. That lonely Lombardi Trophy is old enough to drink now, isn’t it?
Since then, y’all are just another team. No better than us lame-os. It’s interesting that you put such little value on an NFC Championship. I’m guessing you weren’t so cavalier about the George Halas Trophy in January 2007, hmm?
Seattle also produced Nirvana, Jimmy Hendrix, and a ton of the technology that this country runs on (Microsoft, Boeing, etc) I’m not gonna hate on Chicago… great town, Wilco rocks, etc.
But the Bears and their fans are still trying to run on the fumes of ever-more-distant glory days…. Once again, I guess we’ll get a better idea of who the superior team is at Qwest in week 3.
Really? Seattle is the most depressing city? According to Forbes, Chicago is the 3rd most miserable city in the country.
http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/02/most-miserable-city-chicagos-third.html
Oh, and I forgot to mention, we never liked having Brian Bosworth on our team. But we LOVE having soon to be Hall of Fame LT Walter Jones on our team. Thanks for giving us your first round pick for Rick Mire so we could draft him!
Did you really have to bring up Rick Mirer??? That’s cold man! And DKSB, thanks for the heads up. The plan for the team started in 1972, and yes, in 1976 they started playing. Your field still looks like a giant hatchet wound and I’ll take the 85′ season over anything your Seahawks have trotted out since ’76.
/I am that guy
Matt,
We all have our stadium issues… There’s NO way you can be happy with what they did to Soldier Field. It looks like a prop from a Roland Emmerich flick crashed on the edge of the lake.
At least you don’t think the Seahawks still play in a dome.. You’d be shocked how many folks do.
Haha. Soldier Field looks like a UFO is currently sitting on top of it. I can’t imagine someone seeing that sketch and saying, “Yeah, I want THAT! That’s what the fans will like. That will fit in quite nicely along the lakefront.”
Qwest may look like a vagina, but it’s by far the loudest stadium I’ve been to.
Also the most disgusting, passive aggressive fans I’ve encountered. Was a big suprise, being it’s supposedly the most progressive city in the country. I’ll be attending the same week 3 in plain clothes.
What’s with the beads, anyway..
Go bears..most wins and HOF players of any franchise..
Why Seattle Fans Suck?
I agree they are the most passive aggressive fans, not just in Qwest, but in any major sporting event played in any city! I understand heckling the opposing team, I used to live in Chicago, I get it! But come on, is Seattle that desperate of a city to find its own identity amongst the “Big City’s”, that they feel intimidated by anyone that’s “Not” a Seattle Fan?
I went to this weekends game at Qwest Field with my wife, old buddy and his girl, and his mother and stepfather (none of us under the age of 35, and pretty successful in our fields)-meaning we’re EDUCATED! We brought signs that simply said “Go Bears” and some punk in his late 20′s-smells like teen spirit, rips the sign out of one of the girls hands and tears it up. We were actually being “polite” and only had it up during TV time outs, not ONCE when a play was started did she have it up. She tried to put up another one and the same guy went to do the exact same thing, he would have succeeded if I didnt physically jump in to stop it. Later on my wife was holding up the sign and some guy in his late forty’s ripped it out of her hands, I turned around to say something, and he comes up with “Not in our House”. “Not in our House”? What are you 15, is this Friday Night Lights? Grow up Peter Pan, he looked like he could have been a Senior VP, and he was acting like we just pissed in his cheerios during recess. I shouldnt be surprised that your fans mood matches the weather. Seattle is the pure definition of “Fair Weather Fan”. You have the loudest stadium when your team is performing well, and when they arent? Well you seem to disappear into the Puget Sound Mist. Dont believe me? Go check out a NBA game sometime and you’ll see what I mean about Fair Weather Fans…oh, wait…
And if you think I dont know what I’m talking about, that same buddy of mine and I went to a Cubs/Mets game in Chicago (he being the Mets fan wore a jersey) and not one time did he ever feel threatened, or assaulted by UFO from a fan. Grow up Seattle, support your team Seattle, but do it in a dignified manner that your city pretends to exemplify…