It isn’t so much his role in the underachieving three-year stint he spent in Chicago that Cedric Benson chooses to focus on. Nope, instead it’s what everyone else did to purposely ruin his life. You know, like take Thomas Jones’ side on everything! Now, with the third-most rushing yards in the NFL, Benson finally feels okay to admit that the Bears weren’t necessarily the ideal work reference.

Speaking of his time as a free agent, Benson claims “even the Bengals told me that they would call and inquire about me and get nothing but negative things.”

Oh, but what kind of things, Cedric? Clearly, they’d be bastards to mention anything about your penchant for drunkenly operating motor vehicles in the state of Texas, your 30-something day holdout as a rookie, or your innate ability to consistently make breaking a single tackle look like the hardest thing ever.

Again, Benson tells that Cincinnati told him that the Bears said “that I didn’t work hard, that I was, I guess, a prima donna, just wasn’t focused. Just anything negative that they could say was said. I’m sure that contributed largely to me not getting picked up right away.”

I am so sure that was it.

In Chicago, Benson was a heavier, slow, uninspired piece of shit. Obviously, in Cincinnati, he is not. And while I admire his lack of a go-to thought process and I wish him continued success, I kind of wish he would take accountability for the oh-so-awkward and embarrassing (whispers) Chicago tenure in which he, to put it eloquently, sucked significantly-sized monkey balls (/whispers).