The Metrodome Will Decapitate Superfans With Its Trivial Stupidity
It’s not like this visit to the Metrodome was my first. I’ve been to a couple Twins games, a few Gophers baseball games, and hell, I played there twice as a college baseball player. I’ve never made it down for a Gopher football or Vikings games until today. And now I know that God was just looking out for me. God did not want me to go to my first ever Bears game at the Dome, and I failed to heed His warning.
My girlfriend and I decided to take the train into Minny – I was wearing my Cutler jersey and the missus had a Bears shirt underneath a coat that fully covered up the shirt. Why include this in the story? Well, I was the only damn Bears fan on the entire damn train. Some old lady made fun of me, which was perfectly fine with me because she’s old and probably didn’t know what month it was. The conductor came by, said something along the lines of “you’re a brave man,” then went on the intercom and said “Let the Bears fan get off first. Go Vikings!” Thanks for that, dingus.
We got to the game relatively early, so we walked outside of the Dome where they had all these little food vendors and a crappy emo band. I saw a total of six Bears fans, and all of them said something to me. I don’t blame them – when you’re in the village of the stupid, you tend to stick to your own. After a while, we decided to test our luck inside. I wish I could say that I had great seats, but we didn’t. We were five rows from the top on the 10-yard line on the Bears’ side of the field. Don’t get all lippy with me either – I’m a poor grad student, so that was the best we could do (also, I dropped more money into tickets for the Bears – Vikings game at Soldier Field, so I didn’t really have a choice).
I don’t really need to talk about the game too much. Our O-line sucked, our D-line was horrifically awful, and our secondary was just bad. But, I’ll bring you three tidbits about the game:
1) I was absolutely shocked about the defensive calls. Watching the game on TV doesn’t allow you to really watch how plays develop, and there were huge holes all over the field when the Vikings were on offense. I’m seriously depressed about how Lovie’s scheme is horribly overmatched against opposing offenses.
2) After Cutler threw the touchdown pass to Knox (which was a beautifully thrown ball), my girlfriend asked, “Why doesn’t he do that more often?” I love her to death, but she’s pretty clueless when it comes to football, so I didn’t say anything and chalked it up to her attempting to be funny. As I thought about it, it was a legitimate question. Cutler threw that ball up because Minnesota was offsides, but we got him because he can make those throws, right? Paging Ron Turner…
3) The Vikings have, quite possibly, the worst fight song ever. When the song spells out V-I-K-I-N-G-S, you know that your fan base is stupid beyond belief. You know the only reason they spell it out is so all the hicks and yahoos know how to spell the team name. Also, every time they get a first down, they blow their horn (I’ll take the high road and not make a joke) and every Vikings fan throws their right hand toward the field. I’m going to have nightmares about those two acts for quite a while.
After the game, there was a lot of asshattery. Vikings fans constantly came up to me and would say something to the point of “Cutler sucks” or “Go Vikings!” A hint to those who watch a Vikings – Bears game at the Dome: Ask them when their last Super Bowl was. I never had a Vikings fan say anything back to me, mostly because they’re still wondering when it was.
We got on the lightrail to get back to the train station, and some drunk female Bears fan said, “Hey, I know we lost today, but we’ll be better next year. I’m a Cubs fan, so I know all about that.” I proceeded to tell the four Vikings fans around me that her ramblings weren’t the official statement from Bears nation. One bozo said, “Oh, y’all aren’t drunk and stupid?” I was going to respond by telling him to hit himself in the head with some heavy mining equipment, but a swift elbow into my ribcage from the missus squelched my quest. She knows me too well.
Finally got back to the train station and saw the same conductor. He said, “Well, you’re not bleeding, so that’s good. How’d the game go?” Bastard.
All in all: Minus the Bears being bad, it was a decent trip. I was glad I got to see the Bears play, but just know that you’ll be subjected to some really dumb people if you go to a game in the Dome.
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Oh, I’m sure they were. Trust me, they didn’t have to look too far. And as to your OL comment….I’m sure any of us could do a better job of blocking Jared Allen than Orlando Pace did.
thanks kindly
i wonder if angelo and co. were scanning the stands for those hefty girls. think some of them could slow down jared allen better than 76 did? i am guessing yes.
Also, glad to see ya over here fella!
Ya know, I expected a lot more asshattery than I got. I figured it would be a full-on assault from start to end, but it really wasn’t. In terms of the sweathogs….wow. Unfortunately, farm responsibilities didn’t stop them from seeing the game. Yuck.
sounded like a good time minus the bears game. were there a lot of sweathogs up there? you make it sound like the asshattery was relatively tame which is always good when you are in enemy territory.
Sean – They didn’t even do a decent job of stopping the run, really. The defense either overpursued or underpursued….it was a rather pitiful display. Favre could have easily thrown for 5 TD’s yesterday – that’s how many times I counted WR’s that got past our corners and had no help up top.. Bowman was particularly slow yesterday, which obviously didn’t help things.
I went to undergrad at a school in NE Iowa and I found the Vikings fans there to be absolutely insufferable. Granted, there’s always good ones, but one always remember the bad. Yesterday didn’t really change my perspective on the issue.
I agree that there are smart and dumb fans in all cities, and trust me, we’re no exception. Just listen to 670 The Score during Boers and Bernstein’s show….some of the people who call in are unbelievable.
And, if you consider traveling to be 30 minutes on a train and lightrail, then I suppose I’m stupid. But, since I was already up at my girlfriend’s for Thanksgiving, I made the long, treacherous jaunt.
I agree the defensive play calling was pretty ridiculous as usual against the Vikings. I know you can’t let AP beat you, but you have to mix it up. There were so many plays that if the Bears had just shown blitz and then dropped back into some kind of basic zone/man coverage, they would have been so much better off. When Farve ends up throwing it 48 times, how as a coordinator, do you not adjust to that?
Do you remember the Bears-Vikings game at Soldier Field in 2007? The game where after coming back to take the lead with less than a minute left, Lovie elected to kick the ball off directly to AP and sure enough he promptly returned it to set up a game winning Vikings field goal. Anyways after the game, Lovie was asked why he chose to kick it directly to the one player that had dominated his team all game. He responded in that irritating mouth breather southern drawl, something to the effect that we believe in one on one matchups and we don’t game plan against one player. Which was obviously the mark of a moron and someone who doesn’t belong making decisions, because there isn’t a coach in the league that would’ve kicked it directly to Hester in that same situation
After watching the game on Sunday, I just thought it was funny that now Lovie seemed to design his entire game plan around stopping Peterson. He had no faith, probably rightfully so, in his players matching up and making plays in a balanced defensive look. It was like he had already conceded the game before kickoff, but he just wanted to show that he could stop the run.
I’m a subscriber to your blog and a Viking fan. I’m not sure what it is that made you feel you need to refer to the Vikings fans as stupid. Is it just the fight song?
Granted, I hate going to games at the dome, so I’m glad you were able to attend without leaving with a migraine. Sounds like most of the comments from the fans were in jest. The regular good natured ribbing you’d expect from a division rivalry. (You didn’t help matters either by wearing a Cutler jersey. If you went with a Walter Payton or a Urlacher at least, you would have had more credibility. Wearing a Cutler (who many Viking fans wanted) was just plain out asking for ridicule. (Have you watched him play this year?)
As far as whether the fans are any smarter or dumber, I think you get a mix in ever NFL city. One could argue you were stupid for traveling to see your team “play”.