As outlined in section 3 of the previous post (really), starting tonight, you will have to login to leave a comment. But don’t fret, our dear friends, there are plenty of good usernames available … like, “2LiveKreutz”. That one is a freebie!
♫ Kool & The Gang’s “Celebration” ♪
“Hey there! What’s going on? Come on in; glad you could make it! There’s drinks near the back and food right over there. Yeah, I know, right? What’s that? … I still couldn’t hear you. Oh! Who’s that? On the floor? That’s Matt, he writes for the blog. What? … Oh, is he okay? I don’t know, let me see: Matt! MATT! MAAAATTTTT! Are you alright?!”
Matt: “*Gurgle* It’s my fucking heart. It’s blowed up, I think. God damn Urlacher jersey and my blowed-up heart! … GO. HAWK. EYYYYYYES!! AHHHHHGGGG!! …”
/loses consciousness, dies?
“Yeah, he’s fine, see? You gotta try the corndogs!” (more…)
For the eighth straight year, ESPN Zone Chicago will be host to the “Ultimate Couch Potato” contest, a timed sports sitting and watching competition. I know, right: Somebody somewhere has duped the Illinois Athletic Commission.* (more…)
What a game.
Everyone knows what my thought process was going into the game. I wanted the Bears to win oh so badly, but I also attempted to keep myself rooted in reality. My friend, on the other hand, was pulling (and rather staunchly) for the upset win. I attempted to bring him back to Earth, but it didn’t work. I loved the seats we had (sec. 430, 14 rows up). Looking at the stadium map, they look awful. But, as you can see from the view, it offered a great vantage point to watch the plays develop.
Because clearly, the best way to endear yourself to the home fans is to throw 26 interceptions and give ‘em all the middle finger. Some believe Jay Cutler did that last night, although the “proof” is difficult to substantiate and all pixelly … Is he holding a penis? (more…)
In what might be one of the staunchest cases ever of people performing not to be fired, the Bears, playing with heart and conviction for maybe the first time all season, defeated the Minnesota Vikings 36-30 in overtime tonight. Lovie Smith is glowing. (more…)
Sorry to disappoint, ladies and gents, but the Bears have as good of a chance at winning as that bear does as getting down alive. I’m not going to be drawn-out or overdramatic about the game, because we all know what the end result will be. This preview will be short and sweet: (more…)
John Mullin is certain his return is imminent; Bears fans: Not so much. Since the team made the conscious decision to become utterly unwatchable in Week 7, fans and media alike have speculated about the future of Lovie Smith and pondered over whom his successor might be should he get the axe. Oh, how fun! We figured the least we could do was make it easier for you to follow the craziness by introducing the Chicago Bears Head Coach Rumor Mill. (more…)
No one likes to remember that fateful day in November 1986 when Packers defensive tackle Charles Martin (RIP), unnecessarily and late, slammed Bears quarterback Jim McMahon to the hard artificial turf, ending his season and effectively putting quite the damper on any hopes of a repeat championship … But, apparently everyone does want to see the video. (more…)
The last post of the week; something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of the Christmas weekend.
Being Christmas Eve, it’s only right that we stay true to the holiday spirit. That, and the fact that absolutely nothing is happening in Bears world, is why we bring you the proverbial Bears, Jib Jab, YouTube video courtesy of user, “sonofmabarker.” Except … there’s a twist. (more…)
Lance Briggs, with all his Travis Henry-like baby-making ability, ‘hosted’ what I assume is some sort of event for poor local area kids (one of his own?? BA-ZING!). The kids were given a chance to submit an essay to the Chicago Housing Authority in the hopes of winning a holiday shopping spree. The 30 best were chosen and were given a $200 gift certificate to Target where they could buy all the Sour Patch Kids and Gummi Worms they could hold. (more…)
Since Jim McMahon, men who have played quarterback while simultaneously donning a Chicago Bears uniform have (mostly) sucked. You can outright fault the organization or pacifyingly fault the organization, but no matter what, nothing can save these 27 poor souls from an unenvious shared history; having been through, what many believe to be, “quarterback hell”. (more…)
