For the eighth straight year, ESPN Zone Chicago will be host to the “Ultimate Couch Potato” contest, a timed sports sitting and watching competition. I know, right: Somebody somewhere has duped the Illinois Athletic Commission.*

The intense test of stamina and zero brain function features four candidates attempting to watch the most continuous hours of sports with bathroom breaks only every eight hours and no sleeping. Winner from the last two years, Jeff Miller, watched 39 hours, 2 minutes and 25 seconds of televised sports last year, but that was bush league compared to some girl — a girl, for chrissakes! — from ESPN Zone Baltimore who amassed 70-plus hours. That would make any father proud.

Below we give you this year’s idling overachievers, including Miller who is vying for the ever elusive three-peat, our take and their answers to some of our e-mail questions.

Jeff Miller, 25, Real Estate Business Owner

Me: You’ve won back-to-back championships, watching 40 and 39 hours of sports, respectively, but still fell more than 30 hours short of Baltimore’s Jessica Mosley’s time last year. What gives? Is it because women can clearly hold their pee longer than men?

Jeff: The real reason for my ending times is how long does it take for the competition to drop out? 70 hrs would be really hard, but if there’s a Jessica here in Chicago, I’m up for the challenge.

Oh-oh, sounds like someone is getting complacent …

Odds: 5/2

Juan Hernandez, 32, Warehouse Supervisor

Me: With bathroom breaks — what is it, only every eight hours — do you purposely drink or eat as little as possible? Has an opposing competitors’ family member every tried to tempt you with an extra spicy plate of wings so that you’d have to drink more?

Juan: yes, you must drink very minimal fluids and light food so you won’t upset your stomach.

Not sure if “yes” is in response to the first or second question — or both … Tampering scandal?

Odds: 200/1

Jerzy Jaworski, 39, Safety Instructor

Me: Has it ever crossed your mind, when your significant other scoffs at you for slumping on the couch and watching your third bowl game in a row, to say, “Hey, I’m a professional. This is what I do.”

Jerzy: Absolutely, that is what led to me leaving the UCPT (ultimate couch potato tour) in 1994..I got married. But like da Coach once said, “this too will pass” and it did in 2008 I was back on tour (got divorced).

I like his positive attitude.

Odds: 2/1.

Josh London, 23, Ad Sales Exec.

Me: How does someone find out about, and subsequently enter, something like this?

Josh: I was just surfing the web and thought it would be cool to submit an entry and see what happens…..then BOOM…J-Lo’s gonna be in the competition

Anyone who willingly refers to themselves as “J-Lo” can’t possibly hold their pee for more than 1 hour, 15 minutes … tops.

Odds: 38/1

Our take: Jeff is kind of the crafty veteran who has been there before and knows what it takes to win. Juan, the Bears diehard, is the sentimental favorite. Jerzy is the one with the star power, if for anything, because his name is completely kick-ass and he looks like he could also win Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. Josh is like the smug, young upstart who doesn’t play by the rules.

Our pick: Jerzy Jaworski dethrones the champ.

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BONUS MATERIAL!: All contestants were also asked a) about the mediocrity of the Bears and b) whether or not they’ll start enriching their lives and reading Blog Down.

Jeff: a) I wish I knew – it kills me… I would be so interested to have Bill Cowher take the reigns here.
b) I’ll definitely take note of the Blog Down, but I’m not sure I can stand MORE Bears when they’re playing like this.

Juan: a) Because the offensive line doesn’t give cutler enough time to throw and too many injuries on the defensive line.
b) No but from this point on I will.

Jerzy: a) I really think its no mystery that Lovie has NO clue, Turner has no clue, the offensive line has no clue and Cutler has no receivers with any clues plus add in the defensive line playing like a flag football team (co-ed of course) and you get a CLUELESS, Flag football Team with a quarterback that can throw FAR…that’s why this year is a complete wash. Let us just pray for a good draft..wait a second we have NO draft picks.
b) No…but I just put it as my favorite for my POTTY-GOOGLE.

Josh: a) Lovie + Angelo = TERRIBLE COMBO!!!!!!!
b) Will you pay me to read it?? (Ed. note: HAHAHAHAHA … But, seriously: may you shit your fancy Polo chinos)

*Not completely aware if this actually exists.

So, there you have it: The prolonged sitting and watching starts New Year’s Day at 10 a.m. CST at ESPN Zone Chicago, on 43 E. Ohio St.

Ultimate Couch Potato gets a little publicity, we get three new fans, maybe; I really think this was a win-win.

More from Blog Down, Chicago Bears

• Kevin Shaffer Tries Left Guard, Mike Martz Gushes Over Wideouts, And Is Juice Williams Your New Third-String Quarterback
• Devin Aromashodu’s Ceiling, Embracing Your Legends, And Where The Bears’ Average Age Ranks Amongst Other NFL Teams
• With Death Creeping In, Michael McCaskey To Retire