What more could an 0-4 team want to jumpstart their season than an underachieving recluse with a penchant for alcohol and Sun Chips?

Today, the Cincinnati Bengals furthered the already laughable image of their organization by adding Cedric Benson to their payroll.

Benson was ostensibly cut by the Bears in June after his second alcohol-related arrest, but we all know the real reason was because he sucked. Hard. (more…)

Ok. So the news doesn’t quite deserve the poignancy of the Martin Luther King speech, but former Bears running back Cedric Benson will not be indicted for his two separate alcohol-related arrests earlier in the year.

In May, Benson was arrested for boating while intoxicated in Lake Travis, Texas; an incident made more famous for the alleged abuse by the cops and Benson’s cry-heard-’round-the-world for his mama.

A month later, Benson got pulled over while driving in Austin, Texas after he ran a red light. Police determined Benson to be drunk and two days later, the Bears determined him to be an ex-employee. (more…)