Cedric Benson wants a new contract in the worst possible way. And just as contract talks between him and the Bengals seemed looming, he had to go and punch a Texas bar employee in the face, which seems to be just about the worst possible way to prove your worthy. (more…)

Put down that cigar, sir, for there will be no celebration tonight. As of this post, there is 12:56 left to play in the third quarter and the Bears are currently trying to figure out which play they’d prefer to use to be stopped short on fourth and one. (more…)

The last post of the week: something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of this weekend.

Because it seems like the most appropriate way to end my second day (and first week) back as editor here is with an MS Paint masterpiece: you’re welcome. And, because all the talk lately has been about the about-faces of these two running backs, it only makes sense that you should watch for them on Sunday. Duh. (more…)

It isn’t so much his role in the underachieving three-year stint he spent in Chicago that Cedric Benson chooses to focus on. Nope, instead it’s what everyone else did to purposely ruin his life. You know, like take Thomas Jones’ side on everything! Now, with the third-most rushing yards in the NFL, Benson finally feels okay to admit that the Bears weren’t necessarily the ideal work reference. (more…)

What more could an 0-4 team want to jumpstart their season than an underachieving recluse with a penchant for alcohol and Sun Chips?

Today, the Cincinnati Bengals furthered the already laughable image of their organization by adding Cedric Benson to their payroll.

Benson was ostensibly cut by the Bears in June after his second alcohol-related arrest, but we all know the real reason was because he sucked. Hard. (more…)

Ok. So the news doesn’t quite deserve the poignancy of the Martin Luther King speech, but former Bears running back Cedric Benson will not be indicted for his two separate alcohol-related arrests earlier in the year.

In May, Benson was arrested for boating while intoxicated in Lake Travis, Texas; an incident made more famous for the alleged abuse by the cops and Benson’s cry-heard-’round-the-world for his mama.

A month later, Benson got pulled over while driving in Austin, Texas after he ran a red light. Police determined Benson to be drunk and two days later, the Bears determined him to be an ex-employee. (more…)