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Crime | Blog Down, Chicago Bears

The Greatest Offseason Ever?

by Shea Johnson on Wednesday 17 June 2009 at 6:55 pm

A franchise quarterback precipitously becomes available in an otherwise uneventful team offseason so, naturally, you make a trade for said quarterback and in the process, fix a 25-year old problem. Then, not one, not two, but three wide receivers with Pro Bowl talent unfathomably follow suit. What do you do? (more…)

BallHype: hype it up! Add to RootZoo 268 views Posted under anquan boldin, brandon marshall, crime, plaxico burress

Plaxico Burress Owns Your Weekend

by Shea Johnson on Friday 12 June 2009 at 9:30 pm

The last post of the week: something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of this weekend.

Be forewarned that this weekend will predominantly be filled with will-they or won’t-they speculation as fans, media, and teams alike clamor about the future of Plaxico Burress. Oh, and something might happen on Monday, but I didn’t go to lawyer school so I have no fucking idea.

Enjoy your Plaxified weekend…

BallHype: hype it up! Add to RootZoo 268 views Posted under Friday Night Final, Media, crime, free agency, plaxico burress

Bears Are Likely The Most Recent, Third Team To Inquire About Sharpshooting Burress

by Shea Johnson on Friday 5 June 2009 at 4:30 pm

A Drew Rosenhaus tweet had identified that three teams were, indeed, interested in signing free agent wide receiver Plaxico Burress, but did not specify which three teams those were. Now, ESPN is speculating that the three teams are the Bucs, Jets and Bears.

Based on a Scores Report article last week, when Rosenhaus stated he was pleased that a third team had entered into the mix, the Bucs and Jets were believed to be the initial two teams. Of course, then, this would make the Bears the more recent third team. (more…)

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Todd Sauerbrun Has Obviously Learned From His Mistakes

by Shea Johnson on Friday 1 May 2009 at 4:30 pm

Long-beleaguered ex-Bears punter, Todd Sauerbrun, has been arrested again, this time on a warrant for failing to appear in court for a case stemming from a January 2008 DUI charge.

Sauerbrun is probably most famous for his altercation with a taxi cab driver, but to limit that December 2007 incident as his most glorious infraction wouldn’t be giving justice to the other, equally as boneheaded, episodes that have seemingly defined his 13-year pro career. (more…)

BallHype: hype it up! Add to RootZoo 317 views Posted under I'm Sure He's A Nice Guy, Mouthing Off, Todd Sauerbrun, Uncategorized, crime

Jerry Angelo Prefers Not To Employ A Receiver Who Is Going To Prison

by Shea Johnson on Tuesday 21 April 2009 at 10:07 pm

Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, apparently Plaxico Burress isn’t in the Bears plans, and thus, won’t be wearing blue and orange anytime soon. Well, maybe orange.

Jerry Angelo addressed the Plax-to-Bears possibility Tuesday:

“Because of the uncertainty of the future, how could you really say for sure if you went after him that that is going to manifest itself in the ‘09 season?” Angelo said of Burress’ potential jail time. “I can’t say that. Nobody else can. I can’t really answer right now in terms of how we view him, but I am not looking at him as an option.”

Is it me, or after seven years, is J.A. finally starting to make sense?

BallHype: hype it up! Add to RootZoo 29 views Posted under Oh Jerry Angelo, crime, plaxico burress

BREAKING: Giants Release WR Plaxico Burress

by Shea Johnson on Friday 3 April 2009 at 1:24 pm

In the second stunning move in as many days, ESPN is reporting that the Giants have parted ways with their troubled number-one receiver.

Burress has been inactive all offseason, and is currently facing weapons charges, and possible jail time, stemming from a November nightclub incident in which he…Shot himself. In. The. Fucking. Leg. (more…)

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Robbers Steal From Bears Fan And Apparent Prolific Panhandler

by Shea Johnson on Tuesday 31 March 2009 at 10:39 pm

From the Suburban Chicago News

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But Does Michael Vick Make As Delightful Of A 12-Lemon Centerpiece?

by Shea Johnson on Thursday 26 March 2009 at 10:57 pm

Leave it to Lovie Smith to compare the incarcerations of Michael Vick and Martha Stewart. More so, he does it with the same easygoing demeanor that makes you wonder if he isn’t really in a coma.

For the record, I’m against Vick ever playing pro football again, let alone, for the Bears. In fact, I might prefer to resort to watching the UFL , or electrocuting my testicles.

BallHype: hype it up! Add to RootZoo 93 views Posted under Balls joke, Reasons Bears fans should be scared, When Athletes Attack, crime

Quincy Carter Gets Arrested, QB Battle Is Tiger Lyon’s To Lose

by Shea Johnson on Sunday 8 March 2009 at 10:12 pm

Sometimes, stories write themselves. This is one of those times.

Former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Quincy Carter was arrested late last month for drunken driving and possession of marijuana. At the time, Carter was the starting quarterback for af2’s Rio Grande Valley Dorados, but due to strict eligibility rules (the NFL can learn a thing or two from the af2), he’s been reduced to a former Rio Grande Valley Dorados quarterback.

Now, the Dorados quarterback position battle is wide open and former Bears cast away Nick Hill is in the mix. But if he wants to be under center for the Dorados in 2009, he’ll have to beat out — get this — Tiger Lyon. Yes, it’s the dude’s real name.

As of yesterday, Lyon has the slight edge, but regardless of who prevails, his distain for his asshole parents will never die.

BallHype: hype it up! Add to RootZoo 190 views Posted under bad athletes, crime, offseason

Drunk Lions fan calls on Barry Sanders-like jukes

by Shea Johnson on Wednesday 8 October 2008 at 6:51 pm

 With a grace and poise not seen since Ice Skates O’Malley.

BallHype: hype it up! Add to RootZoo 17 views Posted under Stupid Fans, crime

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