crime — Blog Down, Chicago Bears

Jay Cutler Sings Seventh-Inning Stretch And Blackhawks’ Praises, Matt Forte Rediscovers Burst, And Kyle Orton To Start

by Shea Johnson on Monday 14 June 2010 at 8:00 am

Here is the deal: We don’t have time, nor always the will, to make a post out of every semi-significant Bears-related tidbit that hits the InterWeb. But, to satisfy you readers and make sure that we keep on top of everything, we’re bringing you short and precise annotated Bears highlights every Monday and Thursday. This is our link-dumpish effort. (more…)

Posted under Don't Call It A Comeback,Jay Cutler,Sad,crime,denver broncos,injury,kyle orton's beard,matt forte

Once Again, Our Rashied Davis Is NOT A Pimp

by Shea Johnson on Friday 7 May 2010 at 3:45 pm

Charles Munson, Leigh Harvey Oswalt, ex-Redskins safety David Terrell. These are just a few names in a long list of people who have had the unfortunate circumstance of being mistaken for (relatives of) other, very bad people. Add Rashied Davis to that list, I guess. (more…)

Posted under Fun With Bears Wide Receivers,Media,crime,rashied davis,using this post as an excuse to vent

Some Bears Fans Will Try To Kill You

by Shea Johnson on Tuesday 17 November 2009 at 3:15 pm

There are instances when poisoning a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers isn’t funny; this is one of those instances. By his account, Zack Heddinger visited Chicago bar, Kitty O’ Shea’s, shortly after the Steelers 17-14 loss to the Bears in September. Naturally, his buddies got into it with some home team fans, but as usually happens, all was forgiven when the Bears fans offered peace by passing Heddinger a free drink. Except that drink was probably spiked with something, explaining why Heddinger is now blind and partially brain damaged. (more…)

Posted under Stupid Fans,Things Beyond Me,crime,pittsburgh steelers

Josh Bullocks Involved In Pyramid Scheme (Update)

by Shea Johnson on Tuesday 25 August 2009 at 4:10 pm

UPDATE: Neither of the three players are suspects.

NFL twins Daniel and Josh Bullocks (obviously, no longer a Saint) do everything together. And, when they add Chiefs linebacker Demorrio Williams to the fold, they own Williams & Bullocks, a successful company of some sort. It’s just a shame that their partner in the company and the one who manages it, Mary Wong, did some things that caused Michael Vick to sue Williams & Bullocks back in January. But, hey, at least they’re not part of a Ponzi scheme … Damn you, Miss Wong!

Posted under Read The Fine Print,That Must Be Awkward,crime,josh bullocks,thievery

The Judicial System’s Meddling Ways Effectively Ends Plaxico-To-Bears

by Shea Johnson on Thursday 20 August 2009 at 3:30 pm

So, Plaxico Burress is accepting a plea bargain and pleading guilty to a lesser gun charge which will only take away two years of his freedom. When, or if, he returns to pro football, he’ll be 34-years old and depending on your perspective, very fresh or very rusty. Either way, it’s only a matter of time before Tony Dungy sets his sights on reforming the self-shooter, and ultimately, pitching his services to a guy because they once worked together.

Posted under crime,plaxico burress

Poke Lance Louis With A Stick And He Will Break Your Eardrum, Among Other Things

by Shea Johnson on Friday 7 August 2009 at 12:15 pm

Rookie tight end Lance Louis is currently under investigation for his role in a fight that took place last November between him and another San Diego State football player. Apparently, his alleged role was that of one who breaks safety Nick Sandford’s eardrum, fractures his cheekbone, and leaves him concussed. (more…)

Posted under I'm Sure He's A Nice Guy,When Athletes Attack,crime,lance louis

The Greatest Offseason Ever?

by Shea Johnson on Wednesday 17 June 2009 at 6:55 pm

A franchise quarterback precipitously becomes available in an otherwise uneventful team offseason so, naturally, you make a trade for said quarterback and in the process, fix a 25-year old problem. Then, not one, not two, but three wide receivers with Pro Bowl talent unfathomably follow suit. What do you do? (more…)

Posted under anquan boldin,brandon marshall,crime,plaxico burress

Plaxico Burress Owns Your Weekend

by Shea Johnson on Friday 12 June 2009 at 9:30 pm

The last post of the week: something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of this weekend.

Be forewarned that this weekend will predominantly be filled with will-they or won’t-they speculation as fans, media, and teams alike clamor about the future of Plaxico Burress. Oh, and something might happen on Monday, but I didn’t go to lawyer school so I have no fucking idea.

Enjoy your Plaxified weekend…

Posted under Friday Night Final,Media,crime,free agency,plaxico burress

Bears Are Likely The Most Recent, Third Team To Inquire About Sharpshooting Burress

by Shea Johnson on Friday 5 June 2009 at 4:30 pm

A Drew Rosenhaus tweet had identified that three teams were, indeed, interested in signing free agent wide receiver Plaxico Burress, but did not specify which three teams those were. Now, ESPN is speculating that the three teams are the Bucs, Jets and Bears.

Based on a Scores Report article last week, when Rosenhaus stated he was pleased that a third team had entered into the mix, the Bucs and Jets were believed to be the initial two teams. Of course, then, this would make the Bears the more recent third team. (more…)

Posted under Assumptive Blogging,crime,plaxico burress,rumor

Todd Sauerbrun Has Obviously Learned From His Mistakes

by Shea Johnson on Friday 1 May 2009 at 4:30 pm

Long-beleaguered ex-Bears punter, Todd Sauerbrun, has been arrested again, this time on a warrant for failing to appear in court for a case stemming from a January 2008 DUI charge.

Sauerbrun is probably most famous for his altercation with a taxi cab driver, but to limit that December 2007 incident as his most glorious infraction wouldn’t be giving justice to the other, equally as boneheaded, episodes that have seemingly defined his 13-year pro career. (more…)

Posted under I'm Sure He's A Nice Guy,Mouthing Off,Todd Sauerbrun,Uncategorized,crime

Jerry Angelo Prefers Not To Employ A Receiver Who Is Going To Prison

by Shea Johnson on Tuesday 21 April 2009 at 10:07 pm

Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, apparently Plaxico Burress isn’t in the Bears plans, and thus, won’t be wearing blue and orange anytime soon. Well, maybe orange.

Jerry Angelo addressed the Plax-to-Bears possibility Tuesday:

“Because of the uncertainty of the future, how could you really say for sure if you went after him that that is going to manifest itself in the ’09 season?” Angelo said of Burress’ potential jail time. “I can’t say that. Nobody else can. I can’t really answer right now in terms of how we view him, but I am not looking at him as an option.”

Is it me, or after seven years, is J.A. finally starting to make sense?

Posted under Oh Jerry Angelo,crime,plaxico burress

BREAKING: Giants Release WR Plaxico Burress

by Shea Johnson on Friday 3 April 2009 at 1:24 pm

In the second stunning move in as many days, ESPN is reporting that the Giants have parted ways with their troubled number-one receiver.

Burress has been inactive all offseason, and is currently facing weapons charges, and possible jail time, stemming from a November nightclub incident in which he…Shot himself. In. The. Fucking. Leg. (more…)

Posted under Women With Fake British Accents,crime,transaction
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