There are instances when poisoning a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers isn’t funny; this is one of those instances. By his account, Zack Heddinger visited Chicago bar, Kitty O’ Shea’s, shortly after the Steelers 17-14 loss to the Bears in September. Naturally, his buddies got into it with some home team fans, but as usually happens, all was forgiven when the Bears fans offered peace by passing Heddinger a free drink. Except that drink was probably spiked with something, explaining why Heddinger is now blind and partially brain damaged. (more…)

UPDATE: Neither of the three players are suspects.

NFL twins Daniel and Josh Bullocks (obviously, no longer a Saint) do everything together. And, when they add Chiefs linebacker Demorrio Williams to the fold, they own Williams & Bullocks, a successful company of some sort. It’s just a shame that their partner in the company and the one who manages it, Mary Wong, did some things that caused Michael Vick to sue Williams & Bullocks back in January. But, hey, at least they’re not part of a Ponzi scheme … Damn you, Miss Wong!

So, Plaxico Burress is accepting a plea bargain and pleading guilty to a lesser gun charge which will only take away two years of his freedom. When, or if, he returns to pro football, he’ll be 34-years old and depending on your perspective, very fresh or very rusty. Either way, it’s only a matter of time before Tony Dungy sets his sights on reforming the self-shooter, and ultimately, pitching his services to a guy because they once worked together.

Rookie tight end Lance Louis is currently under investigation for his role in a fight that took place last November between him and another San Diego State football player. Apparently, his alleged role was that of one who breaks safety Nick Sandford’s eardrum, fractures his cheekbone, and leaves him concussed. (more…)

A franchise quarterback precipitously becomes available in an otherwise uneventful team offseason so, naturally, you make a trade for said quarterback and in the process, fix a 25-year old problem. Then, not one, not two, but three wide receivers with Pro Bowl talent unfathomably follow suit. What do you do? (more…)

The last post of the week: something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of this weekend.

Be forewarned that this weekend will predominantly be filled with will-they or won’t-they speculation as fans, media, and teams alike clamor about the future of Plaxico Burress. Oh, and something might happen on Monday, but I didn’t go to lawyer school so I have no fucking idea.

Enjoy your Plaxified weekend…

A Drew Rosenhaus tweet had identified that three teams were, indeed, interested in signing free agent wide receiver Plaxico Burress, but did not specify which three teams those were. Now, ESPN is speculating that the three teams are the Bucs, Jets and Bears.

Based on a Scores Report article last week, when Rosenhaus stated he was pleased that a third team had entered into the mix, the Bucs and Jets were believed to be the initial two teams. Of course, then, this would make the Bears the more recent third team. (more…)

Long-beleaguered ex-Bears punter, Todd Sauerbrun, has been arrested again, this time on a warrant for failing to appear in court for a case stemming from a January 2008 DUI charge.

Sauerbrun is probably most famous for his altercation with a taxi cab driver, but to limit that December 2007 incident as his most glorious infraction wouldn’t be giving justice to the other, equally as boneheaded, episodes that have seemingly defined his 13-year pro career. (more…)

Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, apparently Plaxico Burress isn’t in the Bears plans, and thus, won’t be wearing blue and orange anytime soon. Well, maybe orange.

Jerry Angelo addressed the Plax-to-Bears possibility Tuesday:

“Because of the uncertainty of the future, how could you really say for sure if you went after him that that is going to manifest itself in the ‘09 season?” Angelo said of Burress’ potential jail time. “I can’t say that. Nobody else can. I can’t really answer right now in terms of how we view him, but I am not looking at him as an option.”

Is it me, or after seven years, is J.A. finally starting to make sense?

In the second stunning move in as many days, ESPN is reporting that the Giants have parted ways with their troubled number-one receiver.

Burress has been inactive all offseason, and is currently facing weapons charges, and possible jail time, stemming from a November nightclub incident in which he…Shot himself. In. The. Fucking. Leg. (more…)

From the Suburban Chicago News

Leave it to Lovie Smith to compare the incarcerations of Michael Vick and Martha Stewart. More so, he does it with the same easygoing demeanor that makes you wonder if he isn’t really in a coma.

For the record, I’m against Vick ever playing pro football again, let alone, for the Bears. In fact, I might prefer to resort to watching the UFL , or electrocuting my testicles.