The last post of the week; something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of the weekend.

When our senior writer, Matt Phillip — shown here, having his back summarily broken — decided to continue a series we began last year; a series declaring, one-by-one, every team not the Bears to be complete shit, I was all for it. At the same time, I knew there would be fans of said other teams who would not understand why this was humorous. (more…)

Schadenfreude, formerly Why Your Team Sucks, is a bi-weekly (hopefully) posting about the unfortunate moments and embarrassments of all NFL teams NOT named the Chicago Bears. As we already trudged through the waste of the NFC we are doing the AFC. Your comments, venom and hate-mail are encouraged and appreciated. (more…)

That’s right. After a long break in between posts, because there is no NFL news outside of the Saints’ Super Bowl party still going on in New Orleans. we’re going to start up something that we wrote about during the season: Why teams other than the Chicago Bears blow total ass. Only this time, we’re ragging on that sad bastard child of a conference, the AFC.

So stay tuned over the next month or so to feel better about yourself for not pulling for one of these teams, or being a fan of a CLEARLY superior NFC team (except the Lions………you play NAIA ball). Stay tuned for the poorly crafted jokes and misdirected insults. With any luck this ’series’ will get you within a few weeks of the 2010 NFL Draft. The one the Bears won’t be attending.

As if this was a surprise: the Bears are having a bit of trouble getting candidates for the OC position. Let’s be honest here: you are asking someone to come coach a team that has a decrepit offensive line, thus no pass protection or running game, a bunch of third-tier receivers (AS OF NOW…yes, we will give it time like we have for the last four years; Hester is this close to being a legit #1!) and ownership that seems about as willing to change as Harry Reid is to resigning from his current office. BUT WE’VE GOT JAY CUTLER!!!!!!!!!! (more…)

Via the Worldwide Leader, the Bears are going to talk with USC offensive coordinator Jeremy Bates as correctly pointed out a few days ago by one of our astute commenters. Normally, I would love this idea, sort of. USC has consistently put out above average-to-killer offenses over the last ten years. However, you only need to look at Norm Chow’s lukewarm history in the NFL to know that success is tough to come by (DUH!). (more…)

For those who have been with us since June, remember this? Wow, who’d have thought my ‘prediction’ would have been essentially spot on. I guess the only thing to wonder about is if Anquan Boldin did play, would he have taken away receiving yards from Fitz, or would the score have been 62-21, with Kurt Warner having the best game from a quarterback anywhere, ever?

Well clearly the thing to do now is to fire the coaching staff, cut all players on the offensive and defensive lines and finally use Chinese Water Torture on every player in the secondary. Even Craig Steltz. (more…)

Contrary to popular belief, I am not going to go off on a rant that the Bears season is in the toilet and they are only going to win two games the rest of the year. Numerous others writers have already beaten me to the punch, nor do I believe that to be true. The Bears did not, in one week, go from being a middle-of-the-road team in the NFC to one rung above the St. Louis Rams and the Tampa Bay Bucs. I believe this game became a combination of a few things: 1) the Bengals were not who we thought they were. They were much better; 2) the Bears got outplayed, plain and simple and 3) the Cover Two defense’s days in the NFL, if they aren’t numbered, are over. (more…)

Whhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttt??????????

More on this later in the day? Not surprised this is happening, more surprised that the Bears are mentioned.

In today’s Tribune, injured linebacker Pino Tinoisamoa is ready to play again and expects to start next Sunday in Atlanta. He says that because he was given the starting role at the beginning of the season, he should be back in the lineup for the next game because he’s healthy. “It’s wasn’t like I lost my job because I didn’t play well.” True. Matter of fact, you didn’t play much at all. Watching the game against the Packers you pretty much blinked twice and Pino and Urlacher were out of the game. (more…)

The last post of the week: something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of this weekend.

Ok ok, so we didn’t get the Olympics here. I, for one, am not that upset about it. They say it would be a ‘privately funded’ Olympics. Riiiiight. Privately funded in Chicago means taxes go up 3% and Daley’s staff all get private jets as Christmas bonuses. The point is who cares that we don’t have the Olympics, we’ve got the Bears vs. Lions this weekend. And we better enjoy it because then comes the only bad thing about the NFL season. (more…)

Well thank goodness for another kicker who is off his game, right? That’s three games and by my count, five missed field goals from the Packers, Steelers, and Toxic Waste Seahawks. It’s scary to think that the Bears could be 0-3 had those kickers not gone all Florida St. on their teams. (more…)

TJ Houshmandzadeh is a bit bitter over not being sought after by the Bears this offseason, so he totally pwned the Bears yesterday by talking ’smack’ to the Bears secondary. The Chicago Tribune article states that Houshmanzadeh claims that Bears management “ain’t holler” at him at all during the offseason because they thought he couldn’t play (An aside: ‘ain’t holler’???? The hell does that mean?). Actually, TJ, the real reason they didn’t call you was because of that glorified rat-tail you sport on the back of your head. (more…)