In 1999, then-Saints head coach, Mike Ditka, and general manager, Bill Kuharich, did what we’ve all done: trade away an entire draft, and then some, for the draft rights to one player. Except, when we do it, it’s on Madden. Either way, 11 years later, Da Coach still isn’t wavering on his decision. (more…)

“The Grabowski Shuffle” was supposed to be “The Super Bowl Shuffle” of the working class. Unfortunately, one small detail went overlooked: Some people have the charisma of Earl Bennett. (more…)

The eighties megagroup, The Shufflin’ Crew, have reunited to pathetically hawk Boost Mobile phones in a 30-second commercial airing during the first quarter of the Super Bowl. Said coach Ditka (who will be appearing!): “This town has been great. They always support their teams, but when you win here, they love you for life. Until they win again, it’s pretty easy money around here.”

Wow, what crawled up Rick Morrissey’s ass? In his column today Morrissey paints a gloomy picture for the Bears upcoming season. He boldly states that having Cutler at QB is good for one more win and maybe a Wild Card birth. Not only that but he warns of Matt Forte hitting a sophomore slump a la Geovany Soto up north (snicker). I’m not going to be like Sports Illustrated and pick us to go to the Super Bowl, but what is wrong with a little optimism??? (more…)

Why Your Team Sucks” is a new feature that will merely be an excuse to talk shit about the rest of the conference. Yeah, this will make us a lot of friends.

Why They Suck: They have played in a total of eight playoff games since their inception in 1967. They rather infamously did not win a postseason game until 2000. ‘Da Coach’ (probably still reeling from the fact he was no longer coaching the Bears) made one of the dumbest statements in history, which the management then followed through on and gave the Redskins ten bajillion draft picks for Ricky Williams. They then traded him away after two seasons to the Dolphins, where he found tantric meditation … whatever the kids are calling smoking pot these days. Kudos. (more…)

Lovie Smith and Jay Cutler are slated to appear at a Democratic National Convention reception next Thursday in Chicago. Not expected to show: Coach Ditka, who has donated over $22,000 to the GOP since 1989. Although, he apparently stole $100 from the Jack Kemp-for-Vice President effort on June 18, 1991. On a side note, I’m serious? and the proper authorities have been alerted.

Cleveland Browns fans: Reserve your Super Bowl tickets early! Defensive coordinator Rob Ryan is planning to “incorporate a version of the 46 with the Browns.” As in the Buddy Ryan-led, 1985 Bears’ 46 defense that utterly decimated opponents. Word is defensive tackle Shaun Smith has already called dibs on verses 1-17 when the Browns record their shufflin’ video.

Ask Kyle Orton if he would second Da Coach’s recent assessment that the Minnesota Vikings are risking miffing team chemistry should they decide to bring in the ageless Brett Favre.

“”What’s the message those folks up there are sending to their quarterbacks?” [Ditka] said. ” ‘You’re not good enough. I’m going to bring in somebody better than you.’”

Nice try, Minnesota, but swapping quarterbacks entirely would probably be the most appropriate vehicle to really drive this message home.

The hardcore, older generation of football players can’t stand how soft the game they once played — with the barest minimum of regulations — has become.

A group of these old-timers, including Mike Ditka, Jack Youngblood and Jim Hart, recently expressed their frustration over the NFL’s decision to adjust an existing rule — unofficially coined “The Brady Rule” — to make it illegal for defensive players to go after the quarterback once they’ve been knocked to the ground.

And, let me tell you, it was enough for one man to see red. Or, at least, get more red in the face. (more…)

Say hello to the moustache-for-prostate cancer movement. I have a feeling this one will catch on, unlike the short-lived, yet ambitious, Mullets for Literacy.

For the entire month of November, men and fortunate boys — and unfortunate women — are encouraged to display their support for prostate cancer research, on their face. (more…)