Schadenfreude, formerly Why Your Team Sucks, is a bi-weekly (hopefully) posting about the unfortunate moments and embarrassments of all NFL teams NOT named the Chicago Bears. As we already trudged through the waste of the NFC we are doing the AFC. Your comments, venom and hate-mail are encouraged and appreciated. (more…)

Yes, we’ve got a coach who seems to care as much about his team’s success as I care about personal hygiene; we’ve got ownership who seems stuck in the pre-Super Bowl NFL; and no matter how much we beg and plead, we can’t convince other coaches to come and work for us. But, even with those things working against us, the Bears still aren’t one of the bottom-feeding franchises in the league…yet. So, until we are, let’s take a look at those teams, point out their flaws, and start feeling better about ourselves! (more…)

“I told you guys 30 years ago (sic) what an idiot that owner [Michael McCaskey] is, and maybe you guys have finally realized it.” … Soooo you’re saying we might be the new Raiders? But I thought the Raiders were the new Raiders. (more…)

So, Brian Urlacher said some things on Monday. Clearly, it was all said out of frustration. Naturally, everyone was appalled. Apparently, Warren Sapp thinks Urlacher should shut up. Obviously, David Haugh believes that it’s no way for a team captain to act. And … wait, what the hell did he even say, again? (more…)

For all the aplomb Vernon Davis exuded this week in his team’s chances against the Bears, you would have expected him to go off yesterday. And he did. As in became noticeably absent. Davis’ stat line in the 49er’s 10-6 victory: three catches, 16 yards. To be fair, Davis next pledged that “we are going to flip the recession.” Oh, I see how he uses the word “we” now.

You have yourself one good half-season and it’s suddenly alright to talk shit? Niners tight end, Vernon Davis, is pretty confident that San Francisco “can destroy [the Bears] front [four]” on Thursday, among other things. Well, except for Adewale Ogunleye. He likes him, but only him. Somewhere, Alex Brown is chafed.

It isn’t so much his role in the underachieving three-year stint he spent in Chicago that Cedric Benson chooses to focus on. Nope, instead it’s what everyone else did to purposely ruin his life. You know, like take Thomas Jones’ side on everything! Now, with the third-most rushing yards in the NFL, Benson finally feels okay to admit that the Bears weren’t necessarily the ideal work reference. (more…)

TJ Houshmandzadeh is a bit bitter over not being sought after by the Bears this offseason, so he totally pwned the Bears yesterday by talking ’smack’ to the Bears secondary. The Chicago Tribune article states that Houshmanzadeh claims that Bears management “ain’t holler” at him at all during the offseason because they thought he couldn’t play (An aside: ‘ain’t holler’???? The hell does that mean?). Actually, TJ, the real reason they didn’t call you was because of that glorified rat-tail you sport on the back of your head. (more…)

If you’re going to step on Brian Urlacher’s shoe, be prepared to be promptly asked to take it outside. However, if you’re surprisingly cordial about the whole thing… and a very talented MMA fighter, be prepared to be unremittingly forgiven. Our friend Zoner Sports has video of Bas Rutten recalling the 2006 incident that almost cost us are middle linebacker.

Don’t look now, but Mr. Cutler just totally pwned Bronco fans last week and took backhanded swipes at their devotion to their team. During a radio interview last week Cutler described Denver fans as a “6″ and Bears fans as a “9″ (69 dudes!!!) when talking about the voracity of the different fanbases.

I have to disagree with Cutler on this one. I mean, when your fans lustily boo the guy traded to your team and thrown in to replace Jay–through no fault of his own–that shows something right? “Hey Orton, you suck and I hate you for being traded here after our new coach destroyed anything left of a competitive NFL team. DIE!” (more…)

Surely, Vikings receiver Bobby Wade had the bestest intentions–not like he wants to create rifts within a scary division opponent or anything–as he told KFAN in Minnesota that his former teammate thinks said former teammate’s new teammate is a “pussy”. Talk about the kettle saying Urlacher called the pot black!

UPDATE: Urlacher, not surprisingly, is denying it; Tommie Harris has taken to Twitter to defend him. Trust me, you haven’t heard the last of this; I have a stirring suspicion that things are about to get a lot more… stupid.

Every other NFC team that isn’t the Chicago Bears sucks. No other team will hoist the NFC Championship trophy in 2009, or even send one player to the Pro Bowl. In another world, this would go without saying, but since this is not another world, “Why Your Team Sucks” is a new feature that will merely be an excuse to talk shit about the rest of the conference. (more…)