We haven’t written in nearly a week, which isn’t like us, we know. But, it’s February and things are slow. So, here: New offensive coordinator Mike Martz says Devin Hester in the slot “could just be stupid good.” Martz then added that the Bears chances of winning it all in 2010 were “dope, yo!”

The last post of the week; something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of the weekend.

This is literally the exact photograph you would find in your e-mail after spending 14 minutes talking to Matt Forte in an all-ages chat room. Of course, this is predicated on the idea that you’d be a woman and Matt Forte worked the night shift at the Golden Nugget Pancake House. (more…)

The Seahawks are retiring the neon-green jerseys they wore once, a September home loss to the Bears, and kind of stating that as the reason why. According to coach Jim Mora, the jerseys are going bye-bye, because “we didn’t win in them.” You see! This season wasn’t entirely played in vain! But, we’d like to think they’re getting rid of the glow stick unis because, like the UFL’s California Redwoods jersey to the left, it’s one of, you know, THE MOST HIDEOUS THINGS WE HAVE EVER SEEN.

So it hasn’t been the type of season everyone in Chicago had expected, you know, with the lofty expectations surrounding Jay Cutler and all. And yes, it is true that Cutler has particularly been error-prone while being watched by a prime time audience. But it doesn’t mean that NBC shouldn’t be allowed to put the whole mess together in one highly-edited, stylistic and dramatic three-minute presentation, does it? Oh, it does. (more…)

Sure, he has what some might call a relatively unimpressive six career interceptions in 62 games played and whilst a member of a horrible Saints secondary, he was benched in favor of some supposedly less-horrible player, but this shouldn’t deter you from thinking he can play. In fact, Peanut Tillman is so convinced Josh Bullocks is a ‘beast’, he had to repeat it, you know, for us who don’t know. (more…)

John Tait turned away $4.8 million and the final year of his six-year contract, signed in 2004, to retire before this season started. Sigh. Apparently, the ankles could take no more. Double sigh. Now, filed under one-who-would-know, Tait offers his (overly?) optimistic opinion of the Bears struggling offensive line. Translation: Okay, I’ve got Coldplay tickets so … good luck with that.

The last post of the week: something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of this weekend.

To write of your aversion to Ron Turner’s historically uninspired, and often ineffective, play-calling on the Internet is one thing. To do so in the form of a 71-second parody to Billy Joel’s “It’s Still Rock N’ Roll To Me” is another. We have the latter. And, predictably, we’re sorry.

From 670 The Score via No Spain, No Gain:

National Football Post’s Michael Lombardi is getting all Nick-Nolte-and-Shaq-movie on us, and putting his finger on who, in his view, are the “blue-chip” players for every NFL team. What exactly is a “blue-chip” player, you ask? Well, Matt Forte is one, so apparently it’s another way of saying really, really good. (more…)

Sorry for the lack of posts folks. We’ve both been down in Bourbonnais at training camp getting exclusive interviews/content with Bears players. We talked with Lovie Smith, fawned over Urlacher’s physical condition (swoon!) and gotten drunk with Cutler….

No, actually Shea is there helping fund the local economy by drinking twenty Old Style’s a night and I am swamped at work………and very lazy. We’ll pick it up later in the week.

Knucks.

(Editor’s note: Not an actual photograph of me, although it’s a little eerie that these people chose Matt’s nickname of all nicknames to write on to the balloon there. Oh, what’s that you say? It’s Pirate Princess Pickle Bunny, not Irate Princess Pickle Bunny? Oh, okay. Never mind then.)

Roberto Garza is hosting a series of free youth football camps in the Rio Grande Valley; his place of origination and arguably where he first cogitated the idea of driving a large amount of elderly to receive healthcare in just one seven-passenger van.

Garza speaks about the kids, of whom he was once one: “All they have to do is believe in themselves, dream big and they can accomplish anything.”

But, don’t forget your fucking vitamins, kids. Or Uncle Roberto will kill you.