Hey there, Pickle Kissers. I ain’t dead! Nope, just married and living in a new locale. I know you were waiting with baited breath for my return (*coughs). (more…)

This year’s Maddenized version of the Bears is awfully shitty. Within 30 seconds of its release, I had already decided on the name of my create-a-team that would replace the Bears in the NFC North. By the way, it’s the Portland Pink Gators. (more…)

Gabe Reid was awarded $325,000 in workers’ compensation from the Bears for an injury suffered at the end of his four-year, bench-riding career. Mike Brown, Pro-Bowl safety, only received $140,000 after he was injured. Apparently, to be awarded more money, you just have to sit at home eating bon-bons. (more…)

Schadenfreude, formerly Why Your Team Sucks, is a bi-weekly (hopefully) posting about the unfortunate moments and embarrassments of all NFL teams NOT named the Chicago Bears. As we already trudged through the waste of the NFC we are doing the AFC. Your comments, venom and hate-mail are encouraged and appreciated. (more…)

Because Mark Anderson is supposedly ready to handle the full-time defensive end gig and, you know, not completely fall to pieces this time, Alex Brown is on the trading block! And with that proclamation, Jerry Angelo has taken all his goodwill and fed it to his asshole. (more…)

Why do I get the feeling that, as we speak, someone in the Bears organization has barricaded themselves inside the team’s PR room and taken control of the “wire”. Whatever that means. How else do you explain the Bears’ inexplicable interest in all these high-profiled free agents? (more…)

In dumb coaching moves NOT related to the Bears, the Philly Eagles have done Angelo & Co. one better and hired Dick Jauron to be their defensive backs coach for the upcoming season. Well, I guess it makes sense ’cause Jauron was a DB back in his playing days in the 70′s. But really???? How can an organization hire this man, with his 60-82 coaching record, to try and tell Asante Samuel to go out and light up Miles Austin next season? He looks like a paper tiger to the umpth degree.

Also, he looks like Al Davis nephew…..son……..whatever works better.

No, seriously: I should move and start a new career as a bookie, at least as far as the Bears are concerned. I have been, some would argue, unfortunately accurate in my predictions and statements about this years Bears team. I don’t even do this full-time! I can predict Cutler interceptions, foresee the Bears getting torched by Kurt Warner & Co. and now (as if it was a surprise) correctly identify the most glaring weakness of the 2009 Chicago Bears…. (more…)

There are instances when poisoning a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers isn’t funny; this is one of those instances. By his account, Zack Heddinger visited Chicago bar, Kitty O’ Shea’s, shortly after the Steelers 17-14 loss to the Bears in September. Naturally, his buddies got into it with some home team fans, but as usually happens, all was forgiven when the Bears fans offered peace by passing Heddinger a free drink. Except that drink was probably spiked with something, explaining why Heddinger is now blind and partially brain damaged. (more…)

Whhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttt??????????

More on this later in the day? Not surprised this is happening, more surprised that the Bears are mentioned.

In today’s Tribune, injured linebacker Pino Tinoisamoa is ready to play again and expects to start next Sunday in Atlanta. He says that because he was given the starting role at the beginning of the season, he should be back in the lineup for the next game because he’s healthy. “It’s wasn’t like I lost my job because I didn’t play well.” True. Matter of fact, you didn’t play much at all. Watching the game against the Packers you pretty much blinked twice and Pino and Urlacher were out of the game. (more…)

Could a new catchphrase be forthcoming from Lovie this season?? As Bears fans are well aware, over the past few seasons we have heard Lovie say “Rex is our quarterback” or “Kyle is our resident drunk quarterback” so many times that we could almost count on hearing it on Sunday nights and Monday mornings (then have it repeated 2000 times on ESPN). It appears that he might have another for us this season; well, provided Cutler has more games like he had in Green Bay this season (please GOD, no!). (more…)