If only because: this is the third anniversary of one of the most depressing days of my young life, the offseason thus far has been unconvincing, and the decline of the Bears since the 2006 season has been so abrupt, I’m pretty excited to hear today that Devin Hester “would love to get back in that situation with the return game.” (more…)

Okay … Um … Let’s see … Geez.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. But I have a feeling the thousands of Packers and Vikings fans around the, you know, respective states of Wisconsin and Minnesota will disagree. Unless, they’re homosexual of course. Thanks to JerBear50 for the tip. (more…)

“The Grabowski Shuffle” was supposed to be “The Super Bowl Shuffle” of the working class. Unfortunately, one small detail went overlooked: Some people have the charisma of Earl Bennett. (more…)

The last post of the week; something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of the weekend.

This is literally the exact photograph you would find in your e-mail after spending 14 minutes talking to Matt Forte in an all-ages chat room. Of course, this is predicated on the idea that you’d be a woman and Matt Forte worked the night shift at the Golden Nugget Pancake House. (more…)

The last post of the week; something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of the Christmas weekend.

Being Christmas Eve, it’s only right that we stay true to the holiday spirit. That, and the fact that absolutely nothing is happening in Bears world, is why we bring you the proverbial Bears, Jib Jab, YouTube video courtesy of user, “sonofmabarker.” Except … there’s a twist. (more…)

The Bears-Packers rivalry goes back 40 million years, well before Ditka rose from the dead — it’s true — and will resume this Sunday at Soldier Field. With all the time that has passed, so too undoubtedly, have many memories; some great and others not so great. What better a time than now to share your favorite or most memorable moments in the longstanding Bears-FudgePackers rivalry? But first, here’s one of mine: (more…)

Well before we get into the synopsis from last night game and today’s injury fallout. I would like to preface this by saying that I had one of the worst Friday night’s in the history of anything ever. I was driving up to my lakehouse with my girlfriend. The car breaks down almost exactly halfway between my home and my lakehouse. My sister and brother-in-law are there. I call to let them know, then I call AAA. I was able to get my car to a gas station so AAA could get to me a bit easier. After having to renew my membership ($56) they dispatch a tow truck to my location about 45 minutes after I call. So it’s 9:45, I’m pissed because I’m not drunk already and have to deal with this. I call my sister who WAS drunk although she neglected to tell me this. I get towed to a repair shop in a rural ’suburb’ of Milwaukee. One little problem….IT DOESN’T OPEN UNTIL MONDAY!!!! (more…)

Remember that one time when we laughed and mocked Kyle Orton as he showed a trickle of blood on his right index finger to a not-so-worried Broncos staff? Well, about that: It appears to have been an open dislocation of the right knuckle that had to be popped back into place on the sideline, causing Orton so much distress, “teammates could hear Orton scream in pain before he was escorted to the locker room.” Whoops, our bad.

He is already the greatest kick/punt returner to ever play the game, but the one thing that is most disappointing about the Devin Hester saga is that thanks to a franchise incapable of finding a true number one wide receiver, us fans will forever be jipped of more moments like this (Warning: loud). (more…)

Washington Redskin wide receiver Keith Eloi was a guest on ESPN’s First Take this morning talking about his incredible truck jumping exploits and the attention he has received because of it.

Eloi seemed like a nice enough guy; humble when assessing his prospective NFL future, taking his new-found Internets celebrity in stride, and–considering he’s a long shot to make his squad–generally just displaying all of the characteristics of someone that you want to root for. (more…)

The last post of the week: something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of this weekend.

For everything that has been written and reported about the Jay Cutler-Pat Bowlen-Josh McDaniels saga, nothing was ever as poignant and profound as this.

So allow me, kind sirs, to apologize for the entire world’s pure over saturation and grossly poorly-written accounts of Cutlergate. Here is all that needed to be sung…

Video after the jump. (more…)

The last post of the week: something to ponder as you await the certain couch slouch and booze binge of this weekend.

The time period from May to July is what we, in the biz, like to call statistical murder. As in nobody is searching for information on Juaquin Iglesias post-draft, especially during Blackhawk playoffs, the start of the Cubs season and quite possibly, the best first-round NBA playoff series ever in Bulls-Celtics. Thus, nobody is visiting our Bears-specific shitstorm of a Web presence.

Now that the draft is almost a week in conclusion, here is our retrospective take on the Bears nine picks: we don’t have one, check back in three to four years. Although we will say that the whole Jarron Gilbert jumping-out-of-a-pool video is mightily impressive. If it weren’t fake? Discuss.