Hester also went on to say, while on The Waddle & Silvy Show, “but at the same time, I’m a team player so wherever y’all want me to go, I’m ready to do it.” So, maybe, he isn’t dying to return kicks again, but at least he understands that’s what he probably should be doing.

“I know what I’m best at,” Hester said. “The return game is my bread and butter, so if I had to cut back on receiving and go back to returns, that’s something I would love to do.” Okay. So, maybe he is dying to return kicks again.

Listen, Johnny Knox and Danieal Manning are both solid, solid return men. But, they are no Devin Hester. This is the man who broke records in 2006 and 2007; who returned the opening kickoff of Super Bowl XLI for a touchdown; who was, simply put, ridiculous.

With the breakout of Devin Aromashodu, and Earl Bennett, Juaquin Iglesias and Johnny Knox filling out the roster at receiver, there isn’t a huge need to have Hester play a significant role there. Seriously, there isn’t. However, what there is a significant need for is the Bears to quickly revert back  to what made them successful just a few short years ago.

Part of that, is this:

/does teary-eyed Superman pose

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. But I have a feeling the thousands of Packers and Vikings fans around the, you know, respective states of Wisconsin and Minnesota will disagree. Unless, they’re homosexual of course. Thanks to JerBear50 for the tip.

The  following commercial is from male-only dating site, Mancrunch.com, and was to appear during the Super Bowl. As you might expect from CBS — or any major network for that matter — the commercial was rejected. Apparently, CBS didn’t feel the world was ready to believe football fans could be gay.

Regardless, it is likely ManCrunch knew the commercial wouldn’t get the old seal of approval anyway, but were aware of the publicity a rejected commercial like this might generate. Not only is it working, ManCrunch doesn’t have to pony up the cool $3 million, or whatever the going rate is now, for the 30-second spot. Jokes on you, CBS!

Now back to why this is the best commercial ever: Packers, Vikings. Could there have been a better two jerseys, for us Bears fans, to have been worn by the frisky gentlemen? Not because being gay is funny, but because hearing Vikings and Packers fan gripe always is. No doubt, the fan base of these two teams — a good majority, anyhow — are going to be more defensive than Charles Woodson and Jared Allen about this.

Gay Packers And Vikings Fans Get Down

In this absolutely riveting find by FindFootageFest.com, brought to our attention by reader Mark B., a herd of would-be stars audition for the right to become a “Grabowski” and humiliate themselves on a much larger scale then just this try-out could provide.

For the 256 billion people out there unfamiliar with the Super Bowl shuffle-sequel, the Grabowski Shuffle was a play on the ideas that Bears fans were just simple, hard-working every men and that being a Super Bowl winning coach could afford you the right to unleash senses mutilation onto an unsuspecting world.

This “making of” footage, uploaded just today on Youtube, shows an assortment of people — from a woman sporting the earliest version of “The Kate Gosselin” to a seemingly religious bearded fellow wearing a hunter’s hat — displaying all kinds of excitement before entering the audition. Even as they boogie very White-like in a group on stage, the enthusiasm is noticeable. Once they actually have to speak, however, it’s a different story.

From in the shadows, a creepy casting director implores contestants to answer the most basic of questions. Naturally, they respond as you would expect  from someone about to be, uh … horribly mutilated. We’re gonna get a glimpse into your blue-collar personality if it kills you!

“Why you nervous?” … “I don’t know, I guess I’m just not used to this setting (nervous laughter).”

Ah, and it only gets better from there.

This is literally the exact photograph you would find in your e-mail after spending 14 minutes talking to Matt Forte in an all-ages chat room. Of course, this is predicated on the idea that you’d be a woman and Matt Forte worked the night shift at the Golden Nugget Pancake House.

Ponder This:

The Bears have contacted Mike Martz about the vacant offensive coordinator position, meaning we’re 76% closer to becoming 12% better. Why do I say this? Because, the best thing to do when you “get off the bus running” is to bring in an offensive mastermind known for implementing a pass-happy scheme.

An other candidate for the OC opening, Jeremy Bates, interviews at Halas Hall on Monday. But with speculation Pete Carroll could be the next Seahawks head coach, it would make sense that he would consider asking Bates, his OC at USC, to join him.

Not a lot happening on the defensive coordinator front, except Perry Fewell is interviewing on Monday too. Contrary to popular belief, he is not the lead singer of Jane’s Addiction. Yet if he was, he’d probably say something like, “Ted [Phillips], just admit it … you were standing in the shower thinking … for too long, we’ve been under an idiots rule. I’d ask to be head coach, but know one’s leaving. But, so what! I implore you to hook it up and hire me as your new defensive coordinator. I would for you. Thank you boys.”

And, to end it all on an obvious note: Adolf Hitler will not be the next head coach of the Chicago Bears. How original.

To comment on this post, just sign up for a username. Like the kindly gentleman from Everest College would say, “It’s easy! What are you waiting for?!!”

Photo credit: Gapers Block

Being Christmas Eve, it’s only right that we stay true to the holiday spirit. That, and the fact that absolutely nothing is happening in Bears world, is why we bring you the proverbial Bears, Jib Jab, YouTube video courtesy of user, “sonofmabarker.” Except … there’s a twist.

“Sonofmabarker”, in a brazen unfurl of versatility, created two vids, of which I could not choose from. Do I want to go with the gay disco party or the awkward hip hop routine? How can I decide this!

This is when I decided that I could trust you, oh treasured reader, to choose the better dance. Think of it as an America’s Best Dance Crew for big-headed cartoon elves with striking resemblances to some of your favorite Bears.

First, the contestants:

Now, write down your winner in the comments section.

/lazy man poll’d

The last post of the week is coming a day early, obviously, because of Christmas tomorrow. This was originally going to be centered around yesterday’s NFL Live, in when discussing the NFC playoff scenario, listed the Bears, at 5-9, as one of the teams “in the hunt.” … Swear. So, here’s what happened:

I didn’t react fast enough to get the screenshot at first (Oh how I wait for the day when I’m not resigned to taking photographs of my TV or computer. They should really invent something for that). It was about 20 minutes into the first airing at 3 p.m, so I tell myself, “this is kind of funny; I should put it up tomorrow”, and I look for repeat times.

As it would be, the one time that isn’t 4:30 in the morning happens to conflict with when I’ll be at the Navy Pier IMAX watching Avatar (awesome movie-going experience, by the way). I have a decision to make: Do I wake up early, stay up late, or let it go and deny you visual evidence of the most ridiculous notion since the presence of an editor on NFL Quick Hitters? I decide, with nothing to do today, to stay up late.

It’s roughly 4:51 a.m.; I’m sleepy as fuck, but it’s just around the corner. Just one more amicable quip by Suzy Kolber and we are golden … Brett Favre hates Brad Childress for not letting him just be a kid out there … NFC teams … AND … er, what? WHAT? WHAT. THE. FUCK! NFL Live has amended it’s erroneous ways and the Giants, at 8-6, are now the last team labeled to be “in the hunt.” SHIT!

Sadly, it’s now no more than a myth or legend. But, I swear I saw it. And it was beautiful. And for just one moment, we all were free.

We’ll be hosting a game thread for the Vikings Monday nighter, so you’ll want to participate … you know, if you’re cool. I won’t be back until Monday, short of some major news going down. Who really knows what the other three might have in store, but I’ll go out on a limb and assume that they’d rather get drunk with the families they can’t stand then write about the team … they can’t stand.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Good Kwanza, or whatever else, to you all. Now, go drink.

The Bears would lose this game 27-24, but really, who cares? Stay for the end of the video, to watch Michael Bant … something or other … aka the catcher/faller, get on TV and be interviewed, albeit briefly, by Lynn Swan. I’m confused, because I’m pretty sure he says he plays, meaning currently, and not played, meaning he’s 34-years old, when referring to his role with his high school football team. Regardless, I guess when your shit-drunk and freezing, the only thing you want to do is sell the world on your football skills. Classic.

What do you remember?

So I call AAA and get some girl named Melody on the phone. No doubt she’s got this job to pay for her meth habit. I rip her a new one for telling me that “it isn’t our responsibility to know the operating hours of places we send people to.” WHAT?!?!!? Well who the fuck’s is it???? I’m 200 miles from home!!!! I DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck you AAA. Fuck you Melody. I call my lakehouse to talk to someone. My aunt answers and says that everyone has been drinking which is why they can’t come get me. Well fuck me, I would have taken this news MUCH better had someone told me this two hours ago. Since Milwaukee is an epic shithole, cabs don’t come out to where I was. So my girlfriend (who was the biggest trooper of all time) and I decide to leave my car there, grab our shit and WALK to the nearest hotel.

Two miles away.

We get there, sweaty, pissed and tired. Check into the room ($75). I call my sister yet again. Surely I think, someone will come get us tomorrow. I am family. In talking to my sister she informs me that she had “the week from hell” and that coming to get me “would take four hours out of my day”. Wow, since you had Labor Day off and took Friday off to get up to the lake early, I’m sure that three day week was KILLER. I wanted to react like this. I did not. Per her suggestion, I rented a car from Enterprise, and then fall asleep. Enterprise, they pick you up right? Well not on fucking Saturdays. So again my girlfriend and I grab our shit and walk about two of the three and a half miles to the Enterprise. After two miles a mechanic (who is open, imagine that, fuck you AGAIN AAA) sees us and gives us a lift. This mechanic, Bill, was the first person, who, when I asked for help, did not respond by giving me the finger while simultaneously shoving a hacksaw up my ass. I get the rental car ($50) and haul ass up to my lakehouse to watch football, eat chili and get pants-shitting drunk. I got my sister and brother-in-law to admit complete and total fault and made them feel like complete shit. They paid for my rental car hooray. Unfortunately I get to pay $600 for a new mass air flow sensor. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Onto the game. Shit what can you say that hasn’t already been said, seriously. I believe, of Cutler’s four (WTF??) picks, only two can really be blamed on him. The other two I’m gonna blame Johnny Knox for, for not running a complete route. The other two were inexcusable and I wanted to shove hot poker’s in Cutler’s ass. The defense played admirably, up until the fourth quarter. As the Packers were driving did anyone else just know they were going to score? You could just feel it. Can’t say much about the 3rd-and-1 call, other than it was ballsy and wonderfully executed. The fake punt was one of the worst calls of all time. Hester had a good game. Where the hell was Greg Olsen and Matt Forte???

And say hello to a 5-11 season with measty Urlacher gone for the year.

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!